politics

In Making an attempt to Mock Trump’s Thoughts, Cuomo Invents ‘Division of Handland’ Safety

You’ll be able to’t write comedy this good. In opening Thursday’s PrimeTime, host Chris “Fredo” Cuomo, whose nickname comes from the dumb brother in The Godfather and who didn’t appropriately determine a rhino on a cognitive evaluation check, raged at President Trump and insisted he was bungling the COVID response as a result of “his judgment might not simply be dangerous. It might be impaired.” However a number of minutes later, and after he mocked Trump’s mispronunciations, Fredo invented a brand new federal legislation enforcement company: the “Division of Handland” Safety.

“Now, we had assumed the President was refusing to assist us with testing as a result of he was making a political calculation, however, regrettably, we might have been improper. Right this moment this President gave us motive to imagine that his judgment might not simply be dangerous. It might be impaired,” Fredo proclaimed, coming to the protection of Cuomo-family pal, Joe Biden on the prime of the present.

After enjoying an edited soundbite of Trump calling out Biden for wished to intestine the Second Modification and blasting his spiritual devotion, Fredo lashed out. “These are the rantings of somebody shouting on the sky and hoping for spare change,” he shouted.

Cuomo proceeded to return fireplace for Biden and query Trump’s faith and insisted “it’s time to check out his fortitude.” It was clear that Cuomo was performing as a Biden surrogate as a result of he tried to throw the Trump marketing campaign’s tactic of questioning Biden’s psychological state again at them.

Mocking the President for his mispronunciations, Fredo declared: “This man messes up phrases greater than any sober talker I’ve ever heard.” However when Fredo got here again round to why Trump botched the COVID response, he inserted his foot into his mouth and invented a brand new DHS:

I had assumed that he wasn’t doing what was so apparent on this pandemic, what’s being advised him by the individuals round him on the Process Power, Well being and Human Providers, Division of handland — Homeland Safety, individuals coming to him saying, “fast testing.”

 

 

At one level, the raging CNN host rhetorically requested his meager viewers, “why is that this taking place with him?” “Is it what he places on his hair and face? Is it seeping into his mind, devouring his mind, taking motive prisoner,” he speculated.

If this comes all the way down to a battle with Biden about psychological acuity, I do not know that is a race he desires to run,” Fredo sneered, taking the aspect of his daddy’s pal. In saying that, he teed himself as much as chide Trump for boasting about acing a cognitive check, the identical check he epically failed:

CUOMO: There very effectively might be one thing happening right here despite the fact that this President is desperately making an attempt to show there is not and that is determined.

TRUMP: Then you definately go individual, girl, man, digicam, TV. They are saying, that is superb. How did you do this? I do it as a result of I’ve like a very good reminiscence as a result of I am cognitively there.

Protecting up how Biden had as soon as mentioned that he had taken cognitive evaluation assessments, Fredo boasted about how “Biden has confirmed he hasn’t taken a cognitive check alongside the traces of what they provide individuals to see whether or not they’re affected by Alzheimer’s.” He then performed a highly-edited clip of the interview the place Biden requested a black journalist if he was a junkie.

“I had assumed that it was a few political calculation, however what if the reality is that this President would not have the power to calculate? Wanting by way of that lens, perhaps that is why all this loopy speak comes out of his face,” Fredo concluded.

The irony of Fredo, a person who makes a idiot out himself frequently, making an attempt to tear another person for supposedly being mentally “impaired,” was wealthy.

This self-own towards Fredo was made potential due to profitable sponsorships from T-Cell and Sandals Inns & Resorts. Their contact info is linked if you wish to inform them about what they’re funding.

The transcript is under, click on “develop” to learn:

CNN’s Cuomo PrimeTime
August 6, 2020
9:00:23 p.m. Jap

CHRIS CUOMO: Now, we had assumed the President was refusing to assist us with testing as a result of he was making a political calculation, however, regrettably, we might have been improper. Right this moment this President gave us motive to imagine that his judgment might not simply be dangerous. It might be impaired. Did you hear this?

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: He’s going to do issues that no one would ever, would ever assume even potential. [Transition] Take away your weapons, destroy your Second Modification, no faith, no something, damage the Bible, damage God. He is towards God.

CUOMO: These are the rantings of somebody shouting on the sky and hoping for spare change. A person accountable for my and your loved ones actually believes {that a} political opponent is making an attempt to “damage God” and “damage the Bible?” No matter meaning.

(…)

CUOMO: However the time has come to look previous his religion. It’s time to take a look at this man’s habits by way of the lens not simply of a person who merely lacks ethical company however, maybe, primary cogency.

(…)

I do not assume, although his is nearly religion. I actually imagine it’s time to check out his fortitude. Take heed to this assault on Biden.

TRUMP: Did you ever watch Biden? The place he is at all times saying the improper state. It is nice to be in Florida. Florida. No. It is Ohio! [Transition] I really like the state of Iowa. Sir, sir, it is Idaho. [Transition] He does it on a regular basis. There’s one thing happening.

CUOMO: One thing happening. He seems to be like he is melting. That is what is going on on. I imply, if he actually desires to use that normal, if that is what you wish to do, let’s do it to him. That is from as we speak.

TRUMP: And to keep away from legal responsibility, shifting manufacturing to thigh land and to Vietnam.

CUOMO: Thigh land? Hooked on Phonics a lot? The “Th” goes as simply “T” as in Thailand. Perhaps a Freudian slip, the phrase thigh. I do not know if it is phonics or primary mind perform. And by the best way, I give him a cross. Yeah, that t-h-a-i could be type of difficult there, if it had been a one-off. However this man messes up phrases greater than any sober talker I’ve ever heard.

(…)

CUOMO: Look, the query, why is that this taking place with him? Is it what he places on his hair and face? Is it seeping into his mind, devouring his mind, taking motive prisoner?

(…)

CUOMO: If this comes all the way down to a battle with Biden about psychological acuity, I do not know that is a race he desires to run. There very effectively might be one thing happening right here despite the fact that this President is desperately making an attempt to show there is not and that is determined.

TRUMP: Then you definately go individual, girl, man, digicam, TV. They are saying, that is superb. How did you do this? I do it as a result of I’ve like a very good reminiscence as a result of I am cognitively there.

CUOMO: Biden has confirmed he hasn’t taken a cognitive check alongside the traces of what they provide individuals to see whether or not they’re affected by Alzheimer’s. Right here is his response.

JOE BIDEN: No, I have never taken a check. Why the hell would I take a check? Come on, man.

CUOMO: Look, the President has raised a extremely necessary problem. I had assumed that he wasn’t doing what was so apparent on this pandemic, what’s being advised him by the individuals round him on the Process Power, Well being and Human Providers, Division of handland — Homeland Safety, individuals coming to him saying, “fast testing.”

(…)

I had assumed that it was a few political calculation, however what if the reality is that this President would not have the power to calculate? Wanting by way of that lens, perhaps that is why all this loopy speak comes out of his face. Perhaps that is the reply.

(…)

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