The Twelve Absurdities Of Christmas

Christmas, and the seemingly close to infinite business lead-up to Christmas, is among the most – really essentially the most – absurd establishments society has inflicted on the overwhelming majority of the civilized world. When you think about all the kinds of demanding hoops you might be required to leap by means of within the months, however particularly weeks previous to the Huge Day, required that’s if you’re spineless sufficient to collapse to what society (primarily however not completely retail merchants) requires, it is a marvel the civilized world is not collectively a society of babbling idiots the day after. Nonetheless, most gleefully and willingly leap by means of the identical demanding hoops the next yr, paying by means of the nostril for the privilege.


A) Christmas has bugger-all to do with Christ. The chances that J.C. was born on the 25th of December are roughly 365.25 to 1. That is as a result of no one has the foggiest concept what the precise date was. You will not discover it within the Bible, that is for positive. The idea of a relationship between Christmas and J.C. was a hijack by the Christian Church of the traditional ‘pagan’ custom of celebrating the Winter Solstice. Reasonably than combat Metropolis Corridor, the church simply adopted that already established custom for their very own functions. Any similarity to actually actual actuality is only a matter of coincidence. That you just swallow hook, line and sinker with none questioning, crucial pondering or precise research that there’s an precise relationship between the virgin start (yeah, that is credible and never all that an authentic concept both) of an alleged deity (whose historic bona fides may be questioned) who hasn’t been seen in over 2000 years, is absurd.

B) That buying malls and shops like supermarkets and division tales play not solely Xmas music however religiously themed (i.e. – Christian) Xmas music is absurd. Nativity scenes are sometimes featured as effectively. Meaning these business enterprises are in truth selling one particular model of faith completely over all others. Whereas that is likely to be acceptable for a church, it isn’t the right place in any multicultural society for business for-profit shops to endorse any model of faith. That they accomplish that is one other absurdity.


A) On common, half the meals you purchase for the Xmas festivities shall be thrown away. Now could be that absurd or is that absurd.

B) What number of of you had ham or turkey for Xmas dinner? Why? Most likely as a result of your society and your tradition nearly calls for you eat conventional fare, which suggests one in all these two choices, plus the compulsory egg nog and plum pudding and mince pies, and so on. So what’s mistaken with pizza, meatloaf, sirloin steak, Irish stew, macaroni & cheese, and so on.? Why are you such a slave to another person’s traditions? That is absurd. I’ve established my very own custom – even quantity years it is pizza for Xmas breakfast; spaghetti for Xmas dinner. On odd quantity years I reverse the 2.


Consider the huge quantities of time and power placing up, up and up and ultimately knocking down, down and down all these gaudy Xmas decorations. What is the level? And a few folks go so over-the-top, so overboard, you’d suppose they’re making an attempt to get into the Guinness E book of Information. Perhaps they’re! And have not all of us heard or learn these tales of these Xmas tree lights that had been so overloaded they shorted, set fireplace to the tree, and burned the home down.

4) BRATS (Sorry, the Little Darlings) ABSURDITIES

Its absurd being ethically required to mislead your kids (and anybody else’s kids) in regards to the actuality of Santa.


The financial function of Santa is to put in in brats (sorry, your little darlings) the idea of greed and a free lunch. The brats’ mantra – I would like, I would like, I would like; gimmie, gimmie, gimmie; now, now, now. Why do you suppose buying malls and huge department shops make use of a Santa? Trace – it has nothing to do with jingle bells however the jingling of cash transferred out of your pockets to their money registers, tons and plenty of jingling cash (plus the rustling of paper foreign money too). In fact as an added insult it’s important to pay to get a photograph of your brat(s) – sorry, your little darling(s) – taken sitting on Santa’s knee.


What you hearken to within the privateness of your individual house is your enterprise, however within the many, many, many weeks within the lead-up to Xmas Day, you (and particularly if you’re a employees member in any grocery store or division retailer, and so on.) are endlessly bombarded with piped in shopping center Xmas music, to not point out out-of-tune brats (sorry, these darling little kiddies) on road corners who additionally see match to serenade you with much more Xmas music. You’ll be able to solely endure so many renditions of Jingle Bells, Deck the Halls, White Christmas and The Little Drummer Boy (to say simply 4 songs of a seemingly infinite variety of the Xmas repertory of musical drivel and pap).


You spend huge quantities of cash and power getting ready for a annually occurring that extra possible as not you would like society would simply completely overlook about.


You spend extra time getting ready for a annually occurring than that occuring itself takes up.


You spend ‘high quality’ time with household relations that you just want had been midway around the globe and thus unable to infringe in your private house and time and pockets.

You spend a lot of cash you’d fairly not spend on presents for folks you do not give a rattling about.

You ship Xmas playing cards to a lot of folks you can care much less about; you obtain Xmas playing cards from folks you can care much less about.

You obtain a lot of presents which are undesirable, ineffective, and have worth just for what $$$ you would possibly get for them on eBay (and associated).


99.9% of individuals, largely strangers and salespeople, wishing you a “Merry Christmas” are simply going by means of the motions and do not personally give a rattling if you happen to drop useless on Xmas Day. That goes triple for the zillions of “Merry Xmas” messages in advertisements that you just see within the lead as much as Xmas.


Would your blood strain, stress ranges, and general psychological well being be in a greater and general more healthy situation if you happen to might put your toes up, ignore Xmas and simply watch the passing parade? Would your well being be higher if you happen to hadn’t indulged in The Xmas Spirit in addition to the spirits?


Who advantages from Xmas? Nicely clearly there are tales of varied acts of kindness and self-sacrifice that come to the fore each Xmas. Now observe the cash path. Okay, on the plus facet, charities clearly obtain further donations round Xmas time. A lot for the plus facet! Nicely the Publish Workplace and producers of Xmas playing cards profit, particularly since every year is a contemporary yr the place everyone has to purchase and publish anew (not like say with Xmas decorations that get reused yr after yr). Talking of decorations, except you employ a synthetic Xmas tree, the growers and sellers of actual pure Xmas timber sit up for the Xmas season. Most of all, beneficiaries embody all of the producers and retailers of all these to be given Xmas presents. Face it, Xmas is all in regards to the financial system and maintaining folks employed. With out Xmas (and to a lesser extent different overly hyped holidays like Mom’s and Father’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Halloween, and so on.) there can be an financial collapse that might make 1929 pale compared. Actually, appearance-wise, a goodly proportion of stories tales within the lead as much as Xmas cope with how a lot individuals are spending; how effectively (or poorly) are retail merchants are doing. They actually outnumber by a considerable ratio tales that concentrate on the spiritual or hotter and fuzzier sides to Xmas.


Absurdity is the muse of comedy, so in a way of talking I take pleasure in sitting again and stress-free and having fun with the human comedy that unfolds in entrance of me every Xmas season as your entire good little sheep act out the usual Xmas routines (together with paying off the payments in January). It is a comedy watching all these members of society who take Xmas severely and who leap as excessive as they’ll when society snaps its fingers as Xmas approaches for but another excuse of absurd insanity.

Supply by John Prytz

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